The Power of Parenting: Part 3

**If you've not already done so, consider reading Part 1 and Part 2 before continuing...then you can decide if you want to keep reading!**

With knowledge of Jesus as the most important gift we can give our children, I'm proposing that the next gift be a strong marital relationship with our spouse. Having grown up in a broken home, I’m convinced this is true.

As parents of young children, it’s so easy to get consumed by our kiddo’s needs and schedule (I can only imagine that it just gets even tougher as they become teenagers and have more activities outside of the home!). We try to do the right thing by putting our children first, which is a great but can leave us feeling energy-depleted. In our exhaustion, our marriages often take the back-burner and we seem to forget the importance of communication, romance and intimacy in our relationship. Men have a tendency to clamor into their caves while women exercise the “not tonight Dear” excuse far too often. I’m certain that Satan enjoys watching our marriages go into “cruise control” mode.

Our relationship with our spouse serves as a picture of Christ’s relationship with His people. A child whose parents are committed to and supportive of one another has a real-life model of Christ’s love for the Church. They get to see unconditional and unfailing love in action. Regardless of the trials and struggles, our children should be able to feel the security of their family unit.

Whether you are a Christian or not, don’t think that your marriage isn’t vulnerable to Satan. He’ll find a way to cause a rift if you let him. Never think you are above any sort of temptation. You are not. Protect your marriage. How do we go about this practically speaking? Just a few things that come to my mind are:

• Respect and support your spouse. Use words that build each other up rather than tear down. Try as you might to not undermine your spouse in front of your child. Gently rebuke each other (in a godly way), in private, when necessary. Be the first to say “I’m sorry”. Don’t always tell the other what to do or how to do it. Give each other the grace to make mistakes. Forgive…over…and over… and over.

• Do not yell. I’m a firm believer that yelling should not be tolerated at all (and that’s a hard one for me because my voice automatically tends to rise when I’m upset!). No yelling in anger at your spouse and no yelling in anger at your children.

• Make intimacy a priority. Don't be shy, if you’re a parent, you’ve done “it” at least as many times as you have children! Now that you have children, you're tired and worn out when you crawl into bed and most often, all you want to do is sleep! Regardless, there are times that you need to just get over yourself and focus on your spouse. I’m convinced that physical intimacy is necessary in a lasting marriage; if they aren’t getting it from you, Satan will tempt them in other ways.

• Set aside quality alone time with each other. This can be after your kiddos go to bed, during regular “date nights” or special getaways. Take the time to just “be” together; talk, share openly, listen and enjoy fun activities together.

• Pray. Pray. Pray. For your spouse. For your marriage. For protection. For “as long as we both shall live.”

For the sake of keeping it real, let’s not pretend that the Wagners have all this down. Mr. Wagner and I would be the first to tell you that we have greatly struggled with dating…we enjoy spending time together as a family and this has not been a priority for us. As far as being kind to one another, should I mention the multiple times just this week that Mr. Wagner has had to tolerate my infamous annoyed tone of voice or “the look”? All this to say, we try but the bottom-line is that we are so thankful to know the grace of God covers our transgressions!

Based on your experience and understanding, what are some other practical things we can all do to protect our marriages and make sure that we are keeping our relationship with our spouse a priority?