The Power of Parenting: Part 4

Now for the final installment (or at least until I have more opinions to share on the matter). If you haven't already, you may want to check out Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 before reading this post.

Just to recap, I believe the greatest gift we can give our children is true knowledge and understanding of Jesus. That only comes as we first focus on our own relationship with God and allow the Holy Spirit to work through us. The next gift that will truly bless our children is a strong, Christ-centered relationship with our spouse. A child whose parents are committed to and supportive of one another has a real-life model of Christ’s love for the Church.

While there are infinite other gifts that we can and should be bestowing on our children, for the sake of wrapping up this “discussion” I am going to propose that the final gift in this series be to take seriously the Power of Parenting role, in spite of our weaknesses.

I’m not about to tackle the debate about appropriate disciplinary techniques here; all families and children are different and I do not think there is one cookie-cutter approach to address every scenario. That said, I do believe that there are at least five areas that we can all focus on, regardless of the age of our kiddos or our parenting styles:

• Set Boundaries. Kids need boundaries to feel secure. They need parents who will teach them right from wrong. They need encouraged for doing well and appropriate discipline when they push the limits. When they are young, they need to understand that their parents love them and at the same time, have been given a position of authority over them. God willing, when they are older the relationship will grow more and more to reflect deep respect and friendship.

• Consistently Follow-through & Honor Your Word. If you say yes or make a commitment, follow-through and honor your word. If you say no, stick to it (but don’t just say no to say no). Be consistent in your discipline practices; if you discipline your child for a certain behavior one time, don’t ignore the same behavior another time. If you ask your child to do something, don’t just give in if they don’t comply. Make sure they understand that there are consequences of not listening (they will certainly learn later in life that there are always consequences when we don’t listen to God!).

• Share Love & Grace Regularly. Shower your child regularly with words and actions that show love and grace. The words “I love you” should be frequently heard in our households. Let us not rob our children of love and security with our tempers, harsh voices, impatience or unkind words. Don't expect perfection (from them or from yourself!). Be willing to humble yourself in front of your child and say "I'm sorry" and "Will you forgive me?" when you've messed up. Forgive so you too will be forgiven.

• Enjoy Them Thoroughly. We should take joy in our children while they are young. Don’t wish that they’d grow up. They will…too soon. Don’t look back and regret that you didn’t take the opportunity to enjoy this time, regardless of the trials. Life and youth is fleeting, enjoy the time you have with your children…even with all the craziness, Play-Doh on the floor, sleepless nights, sibling spats, and tantrums!

• Pray. Pray. Pray. Just like we should be praying for our marriage relationships, it is critical that we spend time on our knees daily for our children. Pray first and foremost for their relationship with Christ. Pray for wisdom in parenting. Pray for your relationship with them. Pray for their future spouses and families. Pray for protection…pray, pray, pray!

I recognize that none of these are new ideas. No matter what parenting book you pick up, you are likely to see similar reminders throughout the pages. Unfortunately, we don’t always put into action what we know in our heads and hearts. I wish I could say that I’m always patient with our Little Miss or that I’m always thankful for the toys on the floor or the endless “why? why? why?” questions. Truth be told, while I hands-down love being a mom more than anything, there are certainly days where I’m moody, impatient and ungrateful. I like to think that the room for improvement means that there’s more opportunity for Jesus to work out His grace through me (and I certainly give Him ample opportunity!).

As Jesus reminded Paul in his struggles, “…My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Paul then chose to “boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”(2 Corinthians 12:9-10).

God’s grace covers all of our weaknesses. Every. Last. One. When you are feeling weak or lacking as you relate with your children this week, take a moment to thank God for the trial and His ability to work in spite of yourself.

On A Whim

We headed to the coast today on a whim with our good friends the Booths and had a terrific time! Even though it's just a short drive away, we had not been to the beach since early last Spring so it was fun to get out and enjoy the ocean.

Little Miss LOVED the surf and enjoyed sprinting away from the waves with her Daddy.

Yours Truly "selflessly" sacrificed the adventure to stay (clean & dry) and take pictures from further up the shore. I really wanted to done a wetsuit and go surfing in the (freezing cold) ocean but alas, it was not meant to be. (For those that really know me, you recognize that last line is a fib...there are SHARKS out there!)

Intermission

Just wanted to let you all know that I still have more opinions to share on the Power of Parenting topic but we're taking a brief intermission (Me, have more opinions? Big surprise, I know). We had a fantastic weekend with some "old" friends visiting so I took time off from the blogsphere to enjoy their company.

All that to say, the "week" of Power of Parenting as our theme is going to extend into at least one more week. Hope you all are still awake when this is done and that I'll not have offended too many! Stay tuned...

The Power of Parenting: Part 3

**If you've not already done so, consider reading Part 1 and Part 2 before continuing...then you can decide if you want to keep reading!**

With knowledge of Jesus as the most important gift we can give our children, I'm proposing that the next gift be a strong marital relationship with our spouse. Having grown up in a broken home, I’m convinced this is true.

As parents of young children, it’s so easy to get consumed by our kiddo’s needs and schedule (I can only imagine that it just gets even tougher as they become teenagers and have more activities outside of the home!). We try to do the right thing by putting our children first, which is a great but can leave us feeling energy-depleted. In our exhaustion, our marriages often take the back-burner and we seem to forget the importance of communication, romance and intimacy in our relationship. Men have a tendency to clamor into their caves while women exercise the “not tonight Dear” excuse far too often. I’m certain that Satan enjoys watching our marriages go into “cruise control” mode.

Our relationship with our spouse serves as a picture of Christ’s relationship with His people. A child whose parents are committed to and supportive of one another has a real-life model of Christ’s love for the Church. They get to see unconditional and unfailing love in action. Regardless of the trials and struggles, our children should be able to feel the security of their family unit.

Whether you are a Christian or not, don’t think that your marriage isn’t vulnerable to Satan. He’ll find a way to cause a rift if you let him. Never think you are above any sort of temptation. You are not. Protect your marriage. How do we go about this practically speaking? Just a few things that come to my mind are:

• Respect and support your spouse. Use words that build each other up rather than tear down. Try as you might to not undermine your spouse in front of your child. Gently rebuke each other (in a godly way), in private, when necessary. Be the first to say “I’m sorry”. Don’t always tell the other what to do or how to do it. Give each other the grace to make mistakes. Forgive…over…and over… and over.

• Do not yell. I’m a firm believer that yelling should not be tolerated at all (and that’s a hard one for me because my voice automatically tends to rise when I’m upset!). No yelling in anger at your spouse and no yelling in anger at your children.

• Make intimacy a priority. Don't be shy, if you’re a parent, you’ve done “it” at least as many times as you have children! Now that you have children, you're tired and worn out when you crawl into bed and most often, all you want to do is sleep! Regardless, there are times that you need to just get over yourself and focus on your spouse. I’m convinced that physical intimacy is necessary in a lasting marriage; if they aren’t getting it from you, Satan will tempt them in other ways.

• Set aside quality alone time with each other. This can be after your kiddos go to bed, during regular “date nights” or special getaways. Take the time to just “be” together; talk, share openly, listen and enjoy fun activities together.

• Pray. Pray. Pray. For your spouse. For your marriage. For protection. For “as long as we both shall live.”

For the sake of keeping it real, let’s not pretend that the Wagners have all this down. Mr. Wagner and I would be the first to tell you that we have greatly struggled with dating…we enjoy spending time together as a family and this has not been a priority for us. As far as being kind to one another, should I mention the multiple times just this week that Mr. Wagner has had to tolerate my infamous annoyed tone of voice or “the look”? All this to say, we try but the bottom-line is that we are so thankful to know the grace of God covers our transgressions!

Based on your experience and understanding, what are some other practical things we can all do to protect our marriages and make sure that we are keeping our relationship with our spouse a priority?

The Power of Parenting: Part 2

**Please make sure to read The Power of Parenting: Part 1 (Disclaimer) before cautiously proceeding to this section**

The Power of Parenting refers not to holding power over a child but rather the special ability we have to "influence" our children (good or bad) for the rest of their lives. The moment we become parents, God gives us the power and major responsibility of protecting and molding our child’s spirit. This God-given power grants us the ability to build-up or destroy, to point towards God or scoot within Satan’s reach, to cover in love or bruise with anger. Hands down, being a parent is the most important role we will ever play in our lives. It is a power to be handled delicately with care, to be honored and not taken for granted.

Considering the significance of parenting and the power we have to influence our children and their future, I truly believe that the most important gift we can ever give a child is personal knowledge of Jesus. How do we practically go about this? God shares the answer when He tells the Israelites,

“You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” (Deuteronomy 6:5-9).

In order to help foster our children's personal knowlege of Jesus, we must ourselves first love the Lord with all of our being. We must cherish our own time alone with God and then we must commit to diligently teaching our children the truth of Christ. It is not to just be left up to their Sunday School teacher or the Children’s Pastor. Finally, we must make Jesus and his teachings a part of our daily lives and interaction, incorporating Him into all that we are doing and sharing with our children. We must dedicate our homes to boldly sharing the Good News.

If you're like me right now, you're thinking that this is all easier said than done. Does carrying the weight of your child’s relationship with Jesus seem like a heavy load? Absolutely, because it is! However, the best news yet is that God does not ask us to bear that burden on our own. In fact, it is in spite of ourselves and our own individual failings. For those who choose to dedicate their lives and children to Him, He’s given the power of His Holy Spirit. While our actions and influence certainly matters, ultimately our child's relationship with Christ is not by our works but by His.

This week, when you’re struggling to love all aspects of being a parent or are wondering how to guide your children in the ways of the Lord...stop…pray…listen…and remember, you’re not in it alone!

The Power of Parenting: Part 1

At this stage of my life, the most frequent topic that my conversations tend to cover involves parenting. The Good. The Bad. And The Ugly. Whether it’s Mr. Wagner and I discussing our parenting approach, listening to friends talk about their children, or being asked by new parents what we would do in a situation, many of our conversations are about being a mom or dad…and I would not trade it for the world.

Let me be the first to say that I am a complete novice at this parenting thing. I am currently a first-time-only-one-child-parent. I have been in this role a mere three years and the only teenage years that I have waded through have been my own. I haven’t read a plethora of parenting books; while I have read a few (and have several started-yet-unfinished), my book of choice is the Bible. I’m in a “learn as I go” mode and have a lot more learning to do. I do not profess to be a subject-matter expert in the child-rearing field.

With that disclaimer in mind, I have had it on my heart to share some of my thoughts if only to give even an ounce of encouragement to any mom or dad out there. I don’t know how many posts there will be in total, but with the "Power of Parenting" as our theme, I will try to share on the topic at least a few times throughout the week...stay tuned!

Who is getting older?

...just a few of the men in my life (one of whom is 30 years older than me and two of whom like to remind me that I'm a smidgen older than them).

First to age another year is my dear sweet Dad (tho' when I tell the Little Miss he's "my dad" she replies, "No, he's just MY Papa"). Happy Birthday Papa! We're looking forward to sharing many more years with you!

Next to age another year (x2) are Mr. Wagner and his bro (a.k.a., The Twins). If you ask them today they will both tell you confidently that they were the "perfect" boys. All (slightly delusional) thoughts of being perfect kiddos aside, at least we can all agree that they were cute!

The ahhh...ummmm..."perfect".....young twins

Graduating from Basic Training (Mr. Wagner on the left)

Happy Birthday to my very favorite twins! Don't worry, you'll always be (ever-so-slightly) younger than me.